Red light, green light

I have been thinking a lot about something lately. I have been thinking about how I want my life to hurry up, and I want it to slow down. All at the same time. This weekend, I spied in on the girls as they were playing house with their doll house. They were engrossed in their play in their bedroom and I peeked in the door, undetected. Arlene was being the unruly “monkey” child (a little stuffed monkey) who kept going outside and playing in the mud, while Lydia was the “parents” and kept telling her, “Urg, NOW you will need ANOTHER bath!” Their roles were pretty hilarious – Arlene is a stinker, so it was no surprise that she was the antagonistic monkey who kept getting into trouble. Lydia’s portrayal of the parents was humorous too – there is a mommy and a daddy with their plastic playset – she’d hold them both together in her hand, and they’d “yell” at the monkey as like a unified front – both facing the monkey and telling him what was what. As I was watching them play, it was making me happy and it was making me sad. I was happy because I’m just so proud of them – they are very bright, polite little girls with good hearts. And I was sad too: I worry all of the time that I don’t fully appreciate them or spend enough time with them. I feel guilty about working full time and about being consumed with the “stresses” of life like the sale of our house and other things, while the girls are content at just playing house. I don’t want to forget their giggles, or the way that Arlene needs about 20 minutes after she wakes up to fully wake up and be personable, or the way that Lydia has copied my “mommy” mannerisms – she’ll tell Arlene with hands on hips, “Now, I told you to put that toy away, don’t make me tell you again.” I don’t want them to grow up too quickly, so quickly that we miss it. Yet I want other aspects of my life to hurry up and get here. I want to sell our house. Now. I want to close this chapter in our life, the chapter of living on an insanely busy, loud street in a house that we don’t like, and open up the new chapter of life at the new house: everything we’ve always wanted. What I don’t want to lose sight of, is that while the stresses of wanting to sell our house and worrying about being able to sell it and etc. etc. … while all of that is going on, our little girls are growing up so fast we can’t keep pants on them that fit.

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